In Search of Absolution
by Rogue Darth Skywalker
Summary: Modern AU. Padme bit her lip as she placed one last post-it that had the name 'Shmi Skywalker' written on it. She didn't speak. She knew he needed a moment to think - to process what she was silently asking him. 'Are you ready to accept her forgiveness'"She'd want to come to her only son's wedding," She said. He shook his head, "I don't think so. After everything…"


**Story I found while cleaning house on my hard drive. Probably not my best work, but it was too close to completion for me not to make an effort to finish and post.**

**Happy Reading!**

* * *

"Okay, Okay I got it," Anakin said, pulling three post-it notes they had stuck onto the sheets of paper laid across their bed in her Washington apartment. "We'll put Dorme next to Rex and then put Lux and Mina at table four with Bail and Mon," With the post-its placed in their new locations, he leaned back on his forearms, a smug smile adorning his handsome face while he watched her look over his plan. Padme's brow furrowed when she noticed exactly what this new arrangement did. "You just don't want Ahsoka anywhere near Lux," She said, pointing to how the new seating he suggested placed the two on opposite sides of the room with as much distance between them as was physically possible at the venue where the reception would take place.

"What? No, that's not it," He scoffed, acting as though he was offended by the accusation. "I just think she'd have more fun with Rex than your political friends. I mean, I can barely keep up with some of your conversations on… budgeting, and reform, and elections and…" His voice faded as he closed his eyes, pretending to have bored himself to sleep. She shook her head and gave his shoulder a none-too-gentle shove to which he gave a small jolt and a snort, shaking his head as he pretended to wake up.

"Oh shut up," She said, a bubbling giggle escaping her lips. "You know very well we're not going to be talking politics on _our_ wedding day."

"Oh please," He scoffed, "Admit it, you can't go one day without something work related coming up."

"That's not true," Her eyes narrowed at him, "And on the occasions when work does come up, you know it's important."

"Uh huh, more important than the way you feel about me?"

Her eyes rolled, "Not more important, but important. Please don't start this again." Padme could tell he was biting his tongue. Her job was something they argued about on occasion, especially when it required her to move back and forth between her apartment in Washington and her home in Michigan. It had been very trying while they dated and she knew it would probably get harder once they were married but she believed they could figure it out. They had figured it out while they dated, and back then he could have been deployed overseas for up to a year with limited to no communication with her. If they could survive that, Padme was certain they could survive the demands of her job.

Anakin gave a tense sigh after several minutes, "Okay, fine. I won't," He muttered, but even though he didn't say it, she knew this was something they would be talking about again soon.

Her eyes found the seating charts again, "You know you're not doing her any favors," She said.

"We'll see," He gave a half shrug, unconcerned about what she was saying.

Padme knew Anakin hated Ahsoka dating. He saw her as his little sister and while he only wanted to protect her, he could be at times overbearing. It sometimes surprised him how easily he dealt with her being deployed in active combat zones but when it came to romance, he was a wreak. "_At least over there the enemy is clear and the wounds we get are flesh." _Anakin had told her that once and while he often gives off this aura of being a tough guy, the words reflected his sensitive side — a side of himself he let few people see. She knew Anakin only wanted to protect Ahsoka's heart but unlike him, she knew he had to let her make her own mistakes at some point.

Padme placed her hand over his and gave him a weak smile, "She's 25 years-old," She started, "She's seen things only a fraction of us has seen. Don't you think she's able to make the distinction of a good man for herself?"

"Of course I do," He answered immediately. "She's not a kid anymore, I know that. But…" His voice was strained as he seemed to try to convince himself to believe his own words, "Old habits die hard," He said, trying to brush off the real issue and as much as she wanted to press him on it more, it wasn't her fight. And knowing Ahsoka, once she figured out what he was doing, an argument was sure to ensue.

Letting the topic drop, they returned to the much bigger problem of the mess of seating charts they were trying and failing to finish. In truth, this should have been done weeks ago, but with Anakin finishing up his last active overseas deployment, and Padme struggling to juggle all of her out of session responsibilities as a senator, time was not something that they had in abundance. She almost wished they had simply gone with a Justice of the Peace and a small party of close family and friends, but Anakin, ever the romantic, had insisted that they needed a big wedding to celebrate with a live band, a large cake that would last them the year, and an open bar. And after his convoy was hit by an IED two years ago, she didn't have the heart to deny him.

He had almost died. When she'd heard that he had been among the list of casualties, regret swirled inside her at how they had left things mere months before when they had nearly broken up. Thinking about the bitterness of their last interaction, and the thought of a world without him had nearly killed her. And she hated herself for only realizing the depth of her feelings for him after learning of the possibility that he may be dead. But whether it was fate or destiny or the will of some higher power, he came back to her, a little worse for wear, but alive. And it was then that they knew that any life without the other, was not a life either of them wanted. They wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. He had one more tour to serve before his enlistment ended and he gladly decided that it would be his last. And on the day before his deployment, he got down on one knee and asked the one question she knew the answer to even before he pulled a ring out of his pocket.

They continued to work on the charts for another hour before they decided they were as good as done. Anakin started to pile the charts in no specific order, eager to get the mess out of his sight, but she had other ideas. Placing her hand on his, she stopped him, picking up the paper that had the seating arrangement for her parents. Padme bit her lip as she placed one last post-it that had the name 'Shmi Skywalker' written on it.

She didn't speak. She knew he needed a moment to think - to process what she was silently asking him. _'Are you ready to accept her forgiveness?' _His jaw was locked as he took a slow breath and it took him several minutes to meet her eyes and even then he didn't speak. Padme gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "She'd want to come to her only son's wedding," She said.

He shook his head, "I don't think so. After everything…"

"It's been 12 years. She'd be proud of the man you've grown into," She said, her hand reaching to take his cheek in her hand, "I know I am."

His lips pursed as his Adam's apple bobbed, "You didn't know me back then."

"I know who you are now. I know you regret what you did. And I know the only way you can truly move past what happened, is by seeing you are worthy of forgiveness, and accepting it." Padme leaned towards him, kissing his cheek lightly before climbing off the bed and said, "Just think about it, my love."

* * *

Padme could count on her hand the number of times she had traveled on a bus. She never really needed to take them as her family had always had cars and any trip they took had always been by plane followed by a rented car to get around. And as an adult, she'd always owned her own car or used the car issued to her by her office. But Anakin's background was different. He'd never had the choice of owning a car until he moved to Washington. Before that, he'd mostly relied on public transportation or his own two feet. He'd never even driven a car before he enlisted in the Marines. The bus they were on now was a comfortable coach bus. The velvet seats were old and worn but still decent enough for the trip.

Anakin placed his duffle bag on the overhead rack above their seats before taking the aisle beside her. He tugged at front of the black and red dress uniform he was wearing as he fiddled with his cap in his hands. It had taken several days before he decided that he couldn't wait to see if she'd reply to the wedding invite. He had to see her in person. He'd spent hours trying to decide what he should wear when he saw her, he debated between dressing in a suit or a casual button down… it had been her idea to wear his uniform. He always looked so good in it, so confident and noble… this was the Anakin she had met at that military party so long ago. This was the Anakin that worked so hard to make himself into a man deserving of the respect he received from his fellow soldiers and commanders. But even after deciding on what he should wear, he then spent an entire day hunched over the ironing board perfecting the creases and polishing the metal adornments and black leather of his shoes.

His shoulders stiffened as the bus hissed and jolted forward as it pulled out from the station. Padme reached for his hand, and laced their fingers together in support as sat as stiff as a board beside her. She wished there was something she could do to make this easier for him, to help him relax. But she couldn't do anything more than simply being there for him. This was more than just simple nervousness or anxiety. It was opening an old wound. Every mile it seemed to stretch it open farther and farther as they drew closer to the past that Anakin wanted so badly to forget. But Padme knew Anakin. She knew him well enough that he was not someone who easily forgot. He could hold a grudge for years or hold envy for people he never even met (if him meeting her former ex was any indication). And most of all she knew that he loved his mother deeply and he found it hard to forgive himself for the boy he had once been. She hoped that his reuniting with his mother would at least open the door for him to start to forgive himself.

Padme leaned her head against his shoulder as the bus made its way onto the highway. There were still a few more hours to the small town his mother lived in and she was still tired from the plane ride. Her thumb traced absently at his knuckles, and she felt him give her hand a grateful squeeze. She doubted he would sleep for the rest of the journey; he'd barely slept the past few days even. She hoped that tonight he might finally sleep peacefully and more content than he'd ever been.

Slowly she felt herself start to drift, lightly dozing but still aware of her fiancé beside her and still very tense. The bus let out a loud screech as it rolled to a stop and she felt Anakin gently jerk she shoulder to wake up. They and another albeit older couple were the only ones still on the once full bus. Anakin retrieved his duffle from the rack and tucked his cap under his arm as they slowly made their way down the aisle on tired legs to exit the bus. The driver had pulled their other suitcase from the bottom storage of the bus and was already leaning against the side, lighting a cigarette. Padme gave the man a grateful smile as she pulled up the handle of the suitcase and linked her hand around Anakin's arm as they left the small bus station and headed to the corner of the block and stopped.

With the sun already casting the sky in an orange hue as it slowly set, it was easy to tell that there wasn't too much in this town. The corner they stood at housed a small liquor store which sat across from the convenience store. Kitty corner from them was the gas station which looked like it hadn't been modernized since the eighties. The rest of the storefronts on the street looked almost abandoned with only a few still occupied but whose lighted signs were dim or dead.

Anakin glanced around the street as if trying to get his bearings but he was probably remembering something. His arm twitched under her hand as he swallowed, visibly on edge as he turned to look down at her. She gave him a reassuring smile, silently urging him to keep walking. He took a breath as he started to walk, leading her down what she assumed was the central street in the town. It wasn't as densely populated as Washington, but there were still a fair amount of people out walking. It seemed nice. She had always wondered about where her fiancé had come from. She'd taken him to her hometown to meet her parents, they had gone to her high school reunion together, but never once had he done anything of the sort with her. As they passed several stores and restaurants, she wondered how often he'd been to these places. An empty store still had a small display for a long forgotten CD. Had Anakin stood in line to get that very CD? A group of teens were leaning against a building a block ahead. Beside them sat their backpacks as they shared videos on their phones. Had Anakin hung out there with friends of his own at some point?

They turn onto a side street leading to a series of smaller shops that had even less people visible. The buildings down this street were in just the right place to cast almost the entire street in shadow. Business on this street was only a tiny food shop that only had four aisles. Near the end of the street stood what looked like an old two-door garage. The sign overhead read "Watto's Repair." Anakin had mentioned the name before. It was the name of the landlord who charged them way too much to rent the small one bedroom apartment he and his mother lived in. Between the two doors was a small wood door. Anakin walked up to the door and twisted it to the right, and then the left, making the distinct sound of a locked door. She wondered if there was a way to call up to the floors above, maybe someone would open it for them. But then Anakin leaned his shoulder against the door, the wood creaked under his weight as he twisted it once to the left again, and then kicked the base of the door. It clicked, the deadbolt sliding back into the wood of the door as he opened the door wide. His head cocked to the side as he gave a shrug and stepped through the door, Padme following close behind. Anakin readjusted his duffle over his shoulder as he picked up their suitcase and walked up ahead of her.

Three flights of creaky stairs led them to the third floor of the building. Two doors met them leading to what was no doubt apartments. On the far side of the hallway was a door with the number 3 and a faded patch of wood that looked like it once had the letter "A" nailed to it that had long since gone missing. The halls had a distinct smell of must and the window by the stairs looked like it hadn't been cleaned in ages. Anakin stood in front of apartment 3B. His fingers played with the end of his tunic as he readjusted himself, tugging at the belt and adjusting his collar before smoothing out the front and making sure his hat was tucked securely under his arm. He stood as stiff as he did when he was stationed at a military camp or just before his commanders officially release him from service. Padme knew better than to speak, or make any move that might interrupt him. Whatever was going on in his mind required his complete focus and only if he faltered should she do anything.

The fingers of his right hand clenched and unclenched as he took several deep breaths before he raised his hand and knocked quietly on the door. Silence. Anakin shifted his feet and sighed heavily as he raised his hand once more, knocking three more times, louder. This time, the sound of movement could be heard. Both of them braced themselves as they heard the floor creak as someone came to the door.

It swung open revealing an older man and she felt her heart drop. She wasn't here anymore. Briefly, Anakin spoke with the man and asked after his mother. Even he didn't seem to know who he was talking about though. She stood back and listened to the conversation. It seemed that the man had bought the entire building after Watto abandoned it since most of the building had been left in disrepair that he couldn't fix. His mother had moved out prior to that though. The thought that they had come all this way to turn up empty saddened her as she noticed her fiancé's shoulders slouch in defeat.

By their good fortune, it seemed that this man was willing to help how he could. kindly, he offered to let them into the garage. In his haste to leave, it seemed that Watto had left a small filing cabinet in the office which included the last transaction records before he left. Padme was grateful for his kindness and together she and Anakin sifted through the dusty records. Reading through the files, it looked like the financial trouble for the building had been a longtime problem. Watto had been dodging taxes, and fire regulations for years as well as several other building code violations. None of this seemed to surprise Anakin. He admitted that as a boy he often did some labor for the slime ball often daily and without pay which was a violation of child labor laws. She shook her head at the unfortunate childhood he came from.

The lights in the garage flickered annoyingly as the sun finally set casting them in near complete darkness. Hunched over the dusty counter, they sifted through more of the documents, hopeful to find anything. Padme yawned and scratched at her nose, tired from the trip and feeling disgusting and dry from the must and dust that coated every inch of this place. Pushing aside one document, she read through what looked like a break clause. Dated three months before Watto left. "Ani," She said, tapping him on the shoulder as she pointed to the name on the lease. "Shmi Skywalker."

Padme scooted over as Anakin leaned over to read it. Little by little, his lips cracked into a smile. "I know where this is," He said, pointing to the forwarding address she listed. "Anchorhead. It's not too far, just on the outskirts…" Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and read the time. It was only seven at night. "We can be there within the hour. Just need to get the bus…" Padme smiled as she watched the wheels in his head turn. Whatever nerves he'd had were now temporarily replaced by the determination that she loved. After thanking the new tenant once more, they set off again to take another bus.

* * *

The dirt driveway that led up to the house was lined with a small garden to the left where bright yellow and red flowers grew. Well tended, and growing strong, they traced a swirling patterned stone walkway that met the driveway through a small metal arch that had flowers woven around the metal supports. Anakin stopped and stared at the garden, his eyes wide as he had a look on his face that seemed to take him far away from where they were. hesitantly, she touched his arm and he quickly shook his head and took her hand as they walked the rest of the way up to the front door. Through the window they could see lights on, which indicated someone was home.

Once more, Anakin froze at the door as he placed his duffle on the ground next to her. He looked down at the paper in his hand once more, reading the address, checking the number against the number on the side of the door. His shoulders rose and fell slowly as he took a breath before tucking the paper in his pocket. He did a quick check of his uniform once more, brushing an invisible piece of lint off his shoulder and straitening his belt before stepping up to the door. After taking one last quick breath, he knocked three times. On the other side of the door she could hear a man and the shuffling of chairs as someone approached. Anakin stiffened as the door opened.

A young man who looked no older than Anakin answered. He looked startled for a moment, clearly not expecting someone like Anakin to be visiting. "Uh, can I help you, sir?" The man asked, wiping his hands on a napkin in his hands.

Anakin cleared his throat, his jaw falling open momentarily as he seemed to struggle to form words, "I was told that a Shmi Skywalker lives here," He said. "I-I might have the wrong address?"

"No!" The man said, "No, she's here. Mom!" He called back into the house, "A soldier is looking for you." He turned back to them, his eyes finding Padme for a brief moment before falling back on Anakin. "Shmi is my step-mother," He explained, "Owen Lars," He introduced himself.

Further back in the house, Padme watched as an older woman stepped into view. Just looking at her she could see the resemblance between her and her fiancé. They had the same nose, and chin, and she carried herself with the same spirit that she felt Anakin had. A small smile cracked onto her face as she watched for Anakin's reaction.

Shmi approached him as Owen stepped back into the house. For a moment the two just stared at one another. It didn't look like she recognized him in that moment, as she seemed almost confused by their presence. "You were looking for me?" She coaxed.

Anakin, shaken from his daze, cleared his throat as he shifted awkwardly on his feet. His mouth opened and closed, as he tried to speak before his eyes dropped to the ground. "I spent so much time trying to figure out what to say," He mumbled, "But now I'm not sure if it's enough… but I just want to say that I-I'm sorr—"

His words were quickly cut off as he was enveloped in a tight hug. Anakin broke down completely as his mother rubbed her hands along his back and through his short cropped hair. He kept whispering apology after apology as she hushed him quietly, rocking as if he were a child in her arms. Shmi pulled back so as to look into her son's eyes, the smile on her face contagious as Padme smiled at the heartfelt reunion of the two.

Shmi touched a hand to his cheek and her son leaned into her touch. "My Ani," She said, "My sweet, Ani… you look so handsome."

His hand covered hers he nodded, "I'm so, so sorry, Mom," He said.

"You came back to me," She said, "That's all that matters." She glanced down at his uniform, her other hand tracing the four medals and the service ribbons that adorned it before looking back up at him.

"I turned everything around," He said, sniffing as he tried to regain his composure, "It wasn't easy getting out. But I did. Joined the Marines, and got out." Anakin stood back to his full height, pulling back from her embrace but keeping her hand in his as he looked back to Padme and smiled. Understanding that this was her cue, she stepped forward and came to stand beside him. Anakin took her hand in his and brought it to his lips kissing the back of her hand. "This is my fiancee," He said with a smile, turning back to his mother. "Padme Amidala."

Her eyes went wide, recognizing the name, "The Senator from Michigan?"

Padme laughed and nodded, "The very same," She said, holding her hand out to finally meet her future mother-in-law and it was only moments later when she was introduced to the rest of the family. It was a little overwhelming at first. Having spent so much time away, there were many questions and stories that had to be told from both sides. Anakin talked more freely than he'd ever spoken about his time after leaving home. His time as a dealer and the trouble he quickly found himself in. He told them about how he joined the Marines to get away so as to avoid the drug bosses coming looking for him. He especially told them about Padme; how they met, when they got together, his proposal… in turn, they had questions for her which she had no problems answering, most of them very minor compared to the ones Anakin was asked.

As for Shmi, her story was like a fairytale in how perfectly everything turned out for her. Watto was a terrible landlord and her jobs to keep the small apartment were working her to near death. It was around that time when she met her husband, Cliegg. They quickly became friends, and fell in love and when he found out about the apartment she was living in and how Watto was, he asked her to move in with him. Not long after that, they got married.

By the time the questions started to simmer down and the joy and excitement from the reunion had settled into contentment, it was already well past midnight. The Lars family had no problem letting them stay the night and even suggested they stay for longer, there was still much to catch up on after all. Padme gladly agreed on both of their behalf and after settling into the guest room, they were finally ready for a peaceful night. Emerging from the small ensuite bathroom, she found Anakin laying on the bed, dressed in only his loose-fitting sleep pants. He was staring at the ceiling fan as it spun around the room, cooling the air. Padme slipped into bed beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder. He let out a breath as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him as he leaned down and planted a long kiss on her temple and then her cheek before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. She smiled as they pulled apart, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as he stroked the curve of the bone with his thumb. "Thank you," He said, shaking his head, "If it wasn't for you… I don't think I ever would have done this."

Padme smiled and gave a gentle kiss to his chest over his heart, "I think you would have," She argued. "You just… needed someone to give you a push in the right direction."

Anakin didn't look convinced but he was in no mood to argue, too happy and too content, he simply leaned down and kissed her again, whispering his undying love and gratitude to her.

The End


End file.
